Oscar and the Grouch

I watched the opening of the Oscars last night. I'm not fascinated by the Oscars. My lack of fascination has nothing to do with somehow being above that sort of thing. On the contrary, I'm apathetic because I am so far below the Oscars. Every time I've switched on the television to watch one of those things it strikes me as the ultimate high school clique party. And I know that it's a party that would have no interest in inviting me--or anyone I have ever met (I'm sorry if you're reading this and have met me. I mean no disrespect!). Some of the greatest people I have known would not be welcome there, people who have given their entire lives to help others, people who have lived with a desire to bring peace and joy into the lives of those with whom they come into contact.

But, these "stars," my oh my, do they ever think highly of themselves!

The only reason I'm writing about it this morning is that the Oscar celebration boldly crossed a line last night that surprised me. Ellen DeGeneres opened with a pretty mundane routine. I've seen her be pretty funny, but we have to be patient with her because it's hard to be funny in front of the "cool kids." It's a lot of pressure. One wrong word and she will be banished to the little table in the back with Mel Gibson, Michael Richards, and every entertainer who has ever been on Hollywood Squares. She will be forced to hang around a bunch of people who are wondering why Michael Jackson and Woody Allen haven't been banished (Why haven't they?).

DeGeneres is smart, though. She must have decided that if she couldn't make them laugh, she would do herself one better. She just massively stroked their egos. She told the crowd that this year they weren't just celebrating the winners, they were celebrating all of the nominees as well. This triggered a gospel-style choir in white robes appearing on stage singing "Hallelujah!" to the nominees as they passed through the crowd and out the back.

"Hallelujah," of course, means "God Save Us!" Which is exactly how celebrities view themselves--and exactly how a lot of people view them. That's why so many people are clamoring to be famous. It's their chance to share in the divine. It's the modern equivalent of Adam and Eve's forbidden fruit.

I enjoy a good movie every now and again. I certainly watch too much television. But I haven't seen anything on a screen lately that compares with the quiet dedication to God and service to God's kingdom of a Bill Norris, or a Howard Shaffer, or a Robert Fife, or my Mom.

I'm not sure what these Hollywood gods would save us from. Seeing pointless and countless murders on screen? The cheapening of relationships? Growing old gracefully?

I think their salvific answer would be something like "we're saving you from narrowness." DeGeneres even said so last night. She said that "without Jews, African-Americans, and gays there would be no Oscars." But if their gospel of inclusion is really true then try this little experiment on for size: try showing up at their party. You will quickly discover that if they are gods, you are the one who has been thrown out into the darkness.

After that, go visit a Christian service of worship on Sunday morning. Not only will you be let in, you might be fawned over. I know the Church isn't perfect . . . but it is way more diverse and welcoming than Hollywood.

Is this sour grapes on my part? I suppose it could be, but at least when I shaved my head nobody put pictures of me on the national news. There are some advantages to not being a god!