"Aaron, I'm going to give to the building up front instead of over the next three years because I don't expect to be around by the time it's finished." So thought Howard, back in 2001. What did he know?
God saw fit to allow us to enjoy Howard's presence longer than Howard really wanted us to. If you knew Howard, though, you also know that he didn't begrudge God's gracious gift of life. He simply loved you and and did his best to smile through the pain of cancer and smile through the uncertainty of promised aneurysms and smile through the overwhelming grief he felt when Mary died.
How he loved Mary! Way back when Kevin Bobrow was a student at Milligan and needed to go calling with a minister (for his ministry class), I took him to see the Shaffers. By that time Mary was, of course, so hard of hearing that she would throw a comment into the conversation that made it clear she wasn't able to track with what was being said. Howard just smiled at her, waved his hand, and said, "Oooh, gosh, Mary, we already said that."
Their love for each other was so apparent that only a fool could miss it. In fact, when Kevin got back to his dorm room he wrote a thank you note to the Shaffers. He had been blessed simply by being in their presence. What a gift it was to be with them. What a gift it has been for me to be a minister at Grandview, to have the honor of knowing people like Howard.
I think Howard would want me to insert at this point that neither he nor his marriage were perfect. I remember the kick I got from Howard's experience of reading through Mary's diaries after she died. He said that on some days the only entry was: FIGHT! (underlined three times). He just smiled with that sheepish, boyish smile of his when he told me the story.
When she died I was afraid he died with her. It was so hard for him. He struggled against the grief. He wrote her letters. I was afraid his resolve for living was gone . . . and then, a miracle from God, we all saw that Howard wasn't going to waste away in grief. Do you remember the picture of him riding the Montu at Busch Gardens, Tampa? I wish I had a copy of that picture so I could post it here. Can you imagine being in charge of that ride and watching a 90-year-old man wind his way through the cattle turns, ignoring the announcements about heart conditions? Howard told me, "Oh, I just pretended I couldn't hear them."
Have you ever ridden the Montu? It's the most fun I've ever had on a roller coaster. It goes upside down SEVEN times. You can watch the video if you want:
And so Howard is a model for me. He's a model of how to grow old gracefully. He's also a model of how to die gracefully.
Gracefully, by the way, does not mean "easily." Things haven't been easy for Howard. Perhaps nobody besides his faithful children, Donald and Marjorie (and Marjorie's husband), know how hard it has been--especially of late.
And maybe that's one of the greatest lessons from Howard's life. Maybe that's why God let Howard linger for longer than Howard wanted. Maybe it was to remind us that being gracious to others is less a function of how we feel and more a function of choosing to do so, and to be so.
We have been blessed in order to bless others. Do so today. Thanks, Howard.
10 comments:
Phenomenal post, Aaron. You captured Howard's essence very well.
Aaron, I cried as I read to Scott your comments. Scott and I, when we were first married and attending Grandview, sang in the choir. Mary and Howard picked us up each Sunday afternoon, and what a fun time. They, along with Donald, also showed up on our church doorstep in Selston, England. Thanks for putting into words our emotions.
He was such afine example of true Christianity,He taught us love and faithfulness by example. He will always be remembered and loved by many. Pam
Howard was exceedingly gracious, constantly smiling, and often teary with love and affection for people. He and Mary took in my parents and me as a young professor family at Great Lakes Bible College. They were part of a faithful generation of Christians who served without fanfare and didn't wait for a church program for the chance to hospitably love and mentor younger Christians to do kingdom work. He and Mary were parental in their care and affection for my parents. Thanks, Howard and Mary.
Years ago I began working at Milligan College. Since I have a great love of sports I attended several basketball games. Also in attendance was the sweetest couple I had ever observed. It was obvious both were late in years so getting in and out of those bleachers was not easy. But each time I watched as the (true) gentleman helped his wife to her seat. Taking care of her first. At one game I purposely sat close to them so I could strike up a conversation. Well, that didnt long. :) I became well acquainted with Howard and Mary Shaffer. Then years later I was overjoyed to find out that they attended the church I had finally settled on. I have been blessed by several people in my life but two men stand out the most. My daddy and Howard Shaffer. Imagine how odd I felt being notified on January 31 that Howard had passed away. Because most of my day had been filled with memories of my own father who passed away on the same day 20 years ago. :) Thanks Howard, I love you!
We thank you Aaron for your words and message even from afar. Lisa and Amanda Norris, Florida
Thank you, Aaron, for the beautiful words at Howard's service. You bless us by what you do. B.Swain
We read your comments and it seems you knew Howard well. I knew him in Lansing as director of the church choir where he and Mary sang many years ago. I have fond memories of the times we had together singing and just being friends. We have shared so much in the past- he is being mixed - but I'll see him soon.
Thank you, Aaron, for this tribute to my dad, for your fine message at his memorial service, for your friendship with him both as his pastor and as his personal friend, and for the steadfast support you gave him as he struggled to carry on after Mother's death. Since I live so far from JC, I was always so grateful to you and Cindy, Donald, and the many special caring sisters and brothers at Grandview for the love shown my parents. The Grandview people are the most thoughtful and giving souls I have encountered. I am overwhelmed by their love and support. God is so good! He gave my dad a long and beautiful life and has now welcomed him into His heavenly fold. I rejoice in Dad's journey - he fought the good fight and has entered into Glory!
In the grip of His grace - Marjorie
I think Howard is what we all want to be when we are old -- loving, friendly, tender-hearted, forgiving, fun, engaged with life. It seems like it would be a rare thing for someone who enjoyed his life so much to be so prepared to part with it. It also occurs to me that Howard didn't get to be the Howard we knew and loved by waiting until he got old to be that person. There's a lesson in there. We sure will miss him.
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